Through the powers of the interweb; this is one story that I can break before the newspapers. Literally seconds ago Mark Ronson sensationally hit back at Noel Gallagher after the Oasis front man blasted the super-producer during an interview with Radio 1’s Chris Moyles yesterday.

“He [Ronson] wants to write his own tunes instead of ruining everyone else’s. Mark Ronson needs to learn three chords on the guitar and write a tune.” Bellowed Gallagher.

But writing on his blog; Ronson has fired back at the singer, saying: “Noel Gallagher said I should “learn three chords on the guitar and go write a tune”. So I just wanted him to know that I’m actually taking guitar lessons from Jay-Z right now and he’s already taught me both chords to “Wonderwall” (tune!). In fact, it’s so much fun having Jay teach me all of Noel’s songs on the guitar (they’re all so easy to learn!) that i”m thinking of doing an Oasis/Jay Z remix album a la “The Grey Album”. Potential titles are “Champagne Superhova” or “Definitely Jay Z”*. I’ll keep you posted!”

Looks like this is a row that’s going to run and run. So, Noel Gallagher or Jay Z? - Which camp are you in?

Edit: I did break this story before any publication or media outlet. Result. Click here to read what the Sunday Mirror had to say about 13 hours after this post was made…

I last witnessed the brilliance of Mike Skinner on Sunday when he performed for Vodafone Music Unlimited on Brighton Beach. The Streets singer was on top form and knew exactly how to get the crowd going. Funny, charming and not someone with many worries, it seemed. So, it was quite a shock to read his blog yesterday.

The frantic scribble had Skinner’s fans fretting after he blogged about getting booted out of his home.

He wrote: “Yesterday I had my house repossessed.

“At approximately 8.30am about seven men broke down my door and told me I hadn’t kept up the repayments and therefore they would be taking all my belongings.

“The house was now the property of the bank. I ended up on the street with my girlfriend and child. Everything is just borrowed, I guess.”

He was inundated with messages of support and even a spare bed.

But Mike was talking about the plot of his new video for track Everything Is Borrowed — being filming in Camberwell, South London. And in the process, conveniently provided the tabloid press and me with a great little tale. Cheers Mike.

Well, if the fame-hungry, desperate, talentless wannabe Miss (because no one will marry her) Lily Allen can do it…

Taken from the Sunday Life, Sunday 3rd August 2008

e-mail: rodney@rodneyedwards.co.uk

Kian’s plea over knife crime

By Rodney Edwards

Westlife star Kian Egan last night appealed to Ulster youngsters not to get involved in knife crime. In an exclusive interview, the Irish singer became the latest big name to join the fight against the spiralling number of stabbings being reported in the UK and Ireland.

Pop pin-up Kian, who is engaged to gorgeous actress Jodi Albert, said: “I’ve just came back from a holiday and we turned on the news and saw that another young guy was stabbed in London.

“It’s disgusting and disgraceful that so many young people are being murdered. Whether it’s with knives or anything else, something needs to be done about it. Everybody knows that — something really has to be done to sort it out once and for all.”

Last month the PSNI revealed knife crime in the province has increased by almost ten per cent between last year and the previous year.

The figures were released as the police re-launched a campaign against knife crime here. The drive, which is aimed at boys and young men between 11 and 18, includes cinema, radio and poster advertisements.

Kian made his emotional appeal to young people, asking them to “just get away from it”, saying: “Picture something better for your life, don’t settle for second best. Find yourself a good hobby and good friends, go and make a career for yourself, look at yourself as someone who is up-and-coming in the world, who is going to have a good, long successful life.”

His band Westlife are on a year’s break but Kian added: “Westlife are not a political band but if there’s anything we can do to help, we would.

“We would sign our name to anything that helps sort out this mess. We would help with any worthy campaign that is for a good cause and this is something we think is worthy.”

In March 2001 Kian himself was a victim of thuggish behaviour when he was attacked, as he walked around Sligo with friends, by two yobs he had previously gone to school with.

Whether it’s relaxing in his Porsche, Jeep or brand new campervan the Sligo man is enjoying his break from one of the world’s biggest bands and spending more and more quality time with fiancee Jodi.

He popped the question on Christmas Day and the happy couple plan to tie the knot next year.

“We are simple people, it’s going to be a simple occasion. And we will have good tunes playing all the time.”

As the band enjoy their time apart, Kian is kept busy, having just teamed up with manager Louis Walsh to find the Irish equivalent of Girls Aloud. Last weekend the pair held open auditions in Dublin and his fiancee Jodi is already being tipped as one of the girl band singers.

Kian told us: “I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to do something different. My role is going to be very simple — I’m going to be helping the band themselves. I’m going to be with them most of the time, trying to show them the ropes of the music industry and guide them on their journey – hopefully to the top of the charts.

“Louis is going to be involved in the record label and all the decision making. This is my first project outside Westlife.”

But the search for Ireland’s new girl band will not be televised: “It’s going to be more a case of finding real talent and taking them away without anybody seeing them, before launching them as the next big girl band. I think going down the reality TV line is probably a bit common at the minute. I think to try and do what we’re doing on TV would just get lost and that’s not necessary how we want to do it. We want to find the next big Irish girl band,” Kian said.

e-mail: rodney@rodneyedwards.co.uk

The Diocese of Clogher in Fermanagh has sparked controversy after sensationally banning pop music and poetry at funerals. The diocese which also covers parts of Tyrone, Monaghan and Louth have ordered priests to stop their congregation from playing “pop songs” during services because they have “no place” in funeral ceremonies.

The move has divided opinion with some saying the church has become “out of touch with reality.” ‘Candle in the Wind’ by Elton John or Westlife’s ‘Flying without Wings’ are just some of the songs that are now strictly prohibited from funerals.

Leaflets were handed out at Saint Mary’s Church in Castleblayney recently on behalf of the Diocese of Clogher. The leaflet, called “Celebrating a Catholic Funeral” said a return to traditionalism was needed to “affirm that the funeral Mass and the burial was a sacred occasion. In our Catholic tradition the funeral Mass and burial is not about a good ’send-off’ but faith in God,” it said.

“Practices such as personal poems about the deceased, favourite songs and the shaking of hands in the church before going to the graveside are breaking the continuous prayer that the funeral liturgy is. Personal contributions are permitted, as long as they are after the final blessing at the graveside.”

Speaking exclusively to me; Westlife star Kian Egan hit back at the Catholic Church and defended his band’s music; “If our songs are used in a funeral because it’s memorable to them people and it means something, then that’s great and understandable. Westlife songs are emotional songs, so I think they can be used in any scenario – a wedding or a funeral.”

Egan doesn’t see why the diocese has a problem, adding; “Obviously, funerals are very sad times and if Westlife’s music can put a smile on people’s face or a memory into somebody’s mind at a hard time, then it’s great that we can accomplish that with our music.” said the singer.

“Any response from a clergyman on this should be about the details of the matter in hand, not the individual giving the opinion.” said one Fermanagh Priest who preferred to remain anonymous when asked to comment.

“Secular songs, poems, eulogies and symbols such as football jerseys, etc. have a part to play in the remembrance of the deceased but in a secular setting, for example during the wake or at a gathering of family and friends after the Mass or service. However, a Christian funeral is not a memorial service but a gathering in faith to entrust the loved one to the Lord and to draw strength and comfort from Christ’s Resurrection and the promise of eternal life to His faithful. There is an abundance of rarely used, beautiful religious music that our choirs can offer to make the funeral liturgy meaningful. We need to make this wonderful musical resource more widely known and available to our congregations.” He said.

“The sad fact is the funeral of a family member, friend or neighbour is one of the increasingly few times we come together as a community, not for a social gathering but for a spiritual one and the words we speak, the music we listen to and the message we come away with should reflect this.” said the Priest.

Former Church of Ireland (Devenish Monea and Boho) minister Derek Kerr described playing pop songs at funerals as “corny and embarrassing”. He added: “They come from popular television, such as the funeral of Diana Princess of Wales and others. He agrees with the church’s decision on forbidding poems also; “One example that I have heard and, indeed, have let take place in the past is the reading of a poem entitled,”Death is nothing at all”. The sentiment is meant to give the family peace and probably succeeds but the whole thing makes light of the finality of death. Those who disagree with the Bishop’s stance will easily portray him as uncaring and out of touch. Yet they don’t have to be involved in the daily task of helping people move closer to faith or grow in it. They don’t see how a particular clergyman deals with a bereaved family and the caring way they are helped. Emotions run high at such times as death and so requests, such as the one in question, can be made that send out a message contrary to the gospel. We don’t need to be buoyed by lyrics that hold little, if any, real comfort.” he said.

But one University student from Enniskillen disagreed with the ban; branding the church “old-fashioned.” Joseph, 22, thinks that playing popular music shouldn’t matter. “It reminds us of all the good times we spent with them. The artist or genre of the music shouldn’t matter; Westlife for example, shouldn’t matter because their music is very meaningful. I think the Church is being a little out of touch with reality and a little old-fashioned. I’ve been to funerals were there has been pop music in the church or chapel, along with traditional music - both types of music in the one service fitted the mood perfectly. I think it’s up to the families of the person that has died to decide what songs should be played, not the church.”

Enniskillen’s rocktastic El Capitan have made it through to the TV stages of Irish talent show Deis Roc.

The Fermanagh group have beaten over 200 participants from Northern and Southern Ireland in bagging a place in the final sixteen and now stand to win 10,000 euro plus a slot at a major festival.

Last Saturday, the TG4 camera crew dropped into a very cold Enniskillen to capture the band in and around the town for the show. The footage will also include a rather great acoustic set from the band and a blink-and-you-really-will-miss-it cameo by yours truly.

El Capitan comprises of local lads Sean McGoldrick, Mark Phair, David Jordon and an understandably thrilled Ronan McGrade; “To be part of a national show is great exposure for the band and our music. Everyone is pretty excited about it and looking forward to seeing how things pan out. If people keep voting for us then hopefully we’ll get through to the semi-finals, ultimately the viewers decide who stays and who goes. I run the risk of sounding like a hypocrite but shows like X Factor or Pop Idol are dire. I think Deis Roc is different because it takes on a different format than the other reality talent shows. It’s about bands; it’s about original music, with no manufactured feel and plenty of creditability. I think we should win because we’re the best band in the competition, we’ve the best music and the most talented singer. It would be a crying shame if we didn’t win.”

El Capitan’s philosophy is “writing good music and entertaining large audiences” and Deis Roc is the perfect platform for the band to practice what they preach. With countless gigging up and down the country, their music selling bucket loads and celebrity fans such as Radio 1 DJ Steve Lamaq and Radio Ulster’s David O’Reilly, they’re well on their way but they’ll need your support.

So, if you haven’t heard the brilliance of El Capitain yet, then get to it. I bought their album ‘Chances Afloat’ on iTunes for a few quid the other day and haven’t stopped listening to it since. It’s a glorious manifestation of unmistakeable talent. Full of standout lyrics and catchy, killer choruses – it delivers on every listen. It’s no wonder they’re on track to win the show. And if they do win, I believe they will be donating all of the prize money to my “Villa in the Sun” fund. Well, I live in hope.

El Capitan won’t appear on screen until next month, but that doesn’t stop you getting hooked to Deis Roc right now. Tune into TG4 every Tuesday night at 11PM, repeated Thursday evenings at 6PM. To find out more about El Capitan on Deis Roc, visit http://www.myspace.com/elcapitanuk

Stereophonics, the best band on the planet, roared into Belfast last week and played the Odyssey Arena.

After seeing the Welsh lads play in Preston earlier this year, I couldn’t wait for their only Northern Irish date because apart from wanting to see them again; it was also quite suitably, on my 21^st birthday. (Coincidently, gifts are very much still welcome by the way!) And there’s no better way to spend such a birthday than watching Kelly Jones and his band rock and indeed, roll. Something Stereophonics have mastered rather quite well.

First of all, we were forced to endure the band’s rather terrible support act; I didn’t catch their name because to be honest, they weren’t particularly that good. What’s more, all they seemed to do was shout a lot of nonsense and mumble, repeating the same word throughout an entire song – in a very Kaiser Chiefs sort of way. Fortunately, that didn’t last long and they were gone.

And before you knew it, some of the lights were out and the stage filled up with smoke from one of those portable contraptions. From behind a curtain, a small leather jacking wearing man with sunglasses and a big fringe, carrying a guitar emerged to much applause. And then Kelly Jones came out … See what I did there.

Opening up the show with ‘Bank Holiday Monday’ sounded amazing; apart from the fact it was a Tuesday. But no one really cared because the excitement of breathing the same air as these rock gods was intensifying. It was brown paper bags at the ready all round.

Moving on to ‘Bartender And The Thief’ from their second album, ‘Performance and Cocktails’, followed by forthcoming new single; ‘My Friends’. The crowd were a-tooing, and a-swaying in a sweltering, unruly manner. Mr. Jones, looking cool as ever, then greeted the Belfast  gathering like they were old friends. “How are you all, you alright?” he asked. Let’s be honest, did he actually care. I know, I wouldn’t.

But it was a nice touch; many bands fail to keep an eye on their punters who quite regularly get trampled on in the process of throwing some shapes to their tunes. Well, that’s if you’re silly enough to buy a standing ticket of course. Why be stood on when you can relax on a comfortably adjusted seat with a burger and chip, and still nod your head to the music.

The remainder of the set was made up of other classics, including; ‘Mr. Writer’, and a 3-song medley which consisted of ‘Hurry Up And Wait’, ‘Have A Nice Day’, and ‘Traffic’. Other roaring treats included; ‘Pass The Buck’, ‘Daisy Lane’ and ‘It Means Nothing’,  from their latest album; ‘Pull the Pin’.

Amusingly, Kelly Jones finished by throwing his hotel key into the crowd, inviting the lucky finder(s) back to their hotel for a couple of drinks, but they’d have to find their room first. “A bit like bloomin’ Cinderella, innit?” He laughed.

Before I could dive into the throng of perspiring fans, the key had been found. Still, I raise my tap water to you whoever you were.

Rod Stewart = Legend

By Rodney Edwards 

Veteran Rock Legend Rod Stewart lit up Belfast at the weekend, with all the flair you’d expect from a legendary performer.

Sitting at the side of the stage with a tumbler of fizzy pop and a packet of fruit pastles; I was ready for a bit of a toe-tap to the old boy’s plethora of toptastic tunes. And the minute he played something rubbish I was ready to lob a sugar coated sweet at his mullet wearing head.

But there was no need for such aggravation, for the Scottish megastar was extraordinary good. And I mean really good.He didn’t have a support act; instead video screens heralded his arrival with a mock cinema trailer for an imaginary feature film called ‘The Rodfather’, complete with a booming voiceover.

Then the predominantly older crowd chose to squeal and cheer from their seats rather than get up – a bit like me then, but I only sat there because I was too comfortable to move.

And strutting onto the tartan covered stage, twirling his microphone stand to ‘You Where it Well’ was the man himself. Thankfully, he was wearing a socially acceptable black suit and not the leopard skin clobber from his youth or it could have been rather nasty.

Weighing through his back-catalogue of songs, Stewart bellowed out a boastful selection of 28 tracks in the two hour set, all performed with sincere soul and vigour. Singing ‘Father and Son’ a poignant video with photographs of his father and son played in the background - a touching moment indeed.

More of his harmonious brilliance included; ‘First Cut is the Deepest’ ‘Handbags and Gladrags’ and my favourite; ‘Maggie May’ – sang after the interval and his third costume change.

It seems to have become the norm that any gig I go to will be interrupted by a continuous intoxicated screech from a member of the audience. In this case, an aggravating female inflammation of the human race decided to throw some unbalanced shapes – complete with a frightful interpretation of Rod Stewart’s classic ‘Do You Think I’m Sexy?’ Dream on love, now sit down because you’re blocking my bloomin’ view.

Rod Stewart is the king of rock, no question about it. He’s sold over 250 million records, had six consecutive No 1 albums and a total of 62 hit singles - and for a man in his sixties; he certainly knows how to move. He spent the entire concert stamping his feet, twisting his hips and kicking the air.

And the footie man star even kicked about 20 footballs out to the audience. Why? I don’t really know. But it was fairly amusing to see the audience ducking and diving to catch the ball.

Rod ended the show with the sing-along classic ‘Sailing’, much to the delight of the heaving Odyssey Arena. There was an encore but I didn’t see it because I had to catch a taxi, not like Rod though, I hear he jumped into a helicopter and flew to Dublin for a good night’s rest before his second Belfast date.

Lifestyles of the rich and famous, eh? Makes him even more of a legend.

Ronan Keating on the record

By Rodney Edwards

There I was browsing the wide range of delectable breakfast cereals in a local grocery store when my mobile phone went.

Mesmerised by the abundant amount of oat based chocolate coated products in front of me, I answered the call with a disorientated grunt; “Eh, hello?” “Ock hello Rodney, its Ronan Keating here,” came the rather courteous reply; “Oh hello Ronan,” I whispered, sounding totally uninterested as I eyed up a packet of Coco Pops, “Do you want me to ring you back?,” asked Ronan, sounding concerned that something was actually up; “Em, aye, would you?” I said, without hesitation; “I’m a little preoccupied at the moment to be honest.”

And so that was that, and I made my way to the checkout with a packet of Choco Rocks under my arm and Ronan probably got back to watching Bargain Hunt or reruns of Top of the Pops from the 90’s. A few minutes later he phoned back again and it was time to talk – once the pleasantries were out of the way I wanted to know if Boyzone were getting back together or not because (ex manager) Louis bloomin’ Walsh won’t stop blathering on about it; “Boyzone are not coming back. No matter what is said in the press, I’d happily go down to the bookies in the morning and bet that it’s not going to happen.” said a defiant Ronan, quashing rumours that his old band are to return to the pop scene after much speculation in the press over the last year.

The Irish star also believes reformed Take That are the undisputed Kings of Pop; “Take That are the best. They are amazing, I went to see them when they played in Dublin and was just blown away by how phenomenal they were. Everything about them was just amazing and I was very impressed, not many bands can compare to them.”

Not even Boyzone? In just six amazing years, Boyzone knocked up 16 consecutive top five hits and six number ones - including “Words”, “All That I Need” and “No Matter What” and they even sold a staggering15 million albums worldwide. Boyzone were the biggest boy band on the planet and Ronan along with Keith Duffy, Shane Lynch, Mikey Graham and Stephen Gately were untouchable. “We made it up as we went along,” says Ronan. “It was rock ‘n’ roll. We weren’t throwing TVs out of windows but we’d be up all hours drinking every night. Next morning we’d get on the plane drunk. It was full on. There were parties thrown for us after every gig, money thrown at us - all sorts.”

But it wasn’t to last forever as Boyzone split in 1999 when Ronan walked out to go solo. Initially it was supposed to be a temporary break but after his solo career rocketed particularly following the massive success of “When You Say Nothing At All”, part of the soundtrack to Notting Hill, plus a hit album he never returned.

And why bother? His solo career has propelled him into mega stardom and shows no signs of diminishing, Clocking up a total of 14 top ten singles (most of them covers), Ronan has had big success with hits such as “Life is a Rollercoaster”, “The Long Goodbye”, and “If Tomorrow Never Comes”, as well as three number one albums in addition to his previous success with the group - plus he’s had no singles which have charted outside of the top ten.

He also believes his last album ‘Bring You Home’ is the best record he’s ever made; “I think my strengths in music are my ballads so I made the best record I could about love songs which I know I’m best at. It’s full of heart and soul and the inspiration came from my life and my imagination. I don’t need to do or say things to place me in a position where I look a bit cooler. I wanted to be Jon Bon Jovi and Bono. But I’m not that cool. I don’t need to be. I’m not a rock star. I am who I am.” He said.

In the past Ronan has collaborated with some big names in music, the likes of Yusef Islam, Leann Rimes and Lulu but wants to try and move his popular duets to a whole new direction; “The next time I do a duet I want to try something different. I’d like to work with Kayne West or Mary J Blige because of their diversity and how different they are to me - Kayne is just brilliant. I don’t want to work with the likes of Will Young because duets are about collaborating with people who are from a different world than you.”

When Ronan fell out with former manager and X Factor judge Louis Walsh it was one of the most spectacular celeb fallings out of all time. Ronan says the music mogul destroyed their close bond when he started talking about him negatively in the press, labelling him ‘a lot like Cliff Richard’ and accusing him of ‘not being able to sing,’ so it’s fair to say it looks like the ongoing feud will never be resolved; “I have no reason to want to go and meet up with Louis.” says Ronan. “If he comes up and says sorry then I’ll shake his hand and let bygones be bygones. He’s said a lot of things about me and I feel embarrassed for him. My music is doing well, my records are selling, my tours sell out and I’m back on top again and if he wants to keep saying those things about me then fine but I feel really sorry for him.”

With fellow Irish megastars Bono and Bob Geldof constantly trying to save the world, has Ronan any wish to set down his microphone and go and join them? “No. I wouldn’t know what to do but I do think what they are doing is great. Bono doesn’t care about the negative press because he’s helping save lives. Bono and Bob are incredibly intellectual and well educated and they are both using their privileged positions to try and help people so I think it’s better for the world we live in.” finishes Ronan.

Ronan Keating’s contribution to music is a lot like Natasha Kaplinsky – dull and lifeless; but he’s still a pleasant chap that’s made millions from old ladies buying his stuff, so he must be doing something right.

Catch Newton Faulkner

By Rodney Edwards

What’s that sound? It’s acoustic guitar like we’ve never heard it before. It’s things done to six strings that will boggle the ears and eyes. It’s a throaty but gentle blues croon that speaks of backwoods and beaches over the top of delicate strumming – and his name is Newton Faulkner and he’s great.

Until recently Newton Faulkner was as unheard of as postal strikes. But now, like the bloomin’ pickets, he’s popping up all the time and causing disruption (but in a good way) at a shocking rate. His debut smash hit album “Hand Built By Robots” capitulated him to major stardom earlier in the year, and caused mayhem to the previously sanctimonious sugar coated and dreary music biz.

Faulkner’s fantastically refreshing single ‘Dream Catch Me’ earned him the sort of success that musical debris Shayne Ward and Lisa Scott Lee crave for in between their shifts at McDonalds. So, it’s quite a simple equation really; Newton Faulkner equals good but rubbish pop and those striking posties equals bad. And now, he’s become something of a musical mastermind, as his profile just keeps on rising.

It’s his inventiveness that makes this 21-year-old from London one of the most buzzed-about DIY artists of the year. With no promotion and bugger-all money his first release, last spring’s ‘Full Fat’ EP, reached Number One on Amazon’s singles chart in 2006.

The shuffling beats; Faulkner’s laidback scat singing and gutsy holler; the chewy blues riffs; the ‘tapping’ of strings – these had (pardon the pun) struck a chord with anyone who had stumbled across his shows in the England, causing the low-key release to sell-out its 3000 copies.

With his wonderfully nimble approach to guitar, Faulkner is as exciting to watch as he is to hear.

‘Tapping,’ explains Faulkner, ‘is prodding the strings really hard with your other hand, your picking hand. You can have stuff coming from both sides of the strings. There are certain frets which work really well – you get two notes and they harmonise with themselves. It sounds like there’s more than there actually this. You’re getting stuff out of both sides of the guitar.’

But Faulkner doesn’t want to go on about his guitar too much, even if he does play his handmade guitar (‘it’s been built to take a hammering’) with proper affection. He just wants to move us, and himself, with his music. Which is why prefers writing while he’s touring rather than while sitting at home. ‘Everything makes more sense on the road,’ he says. ‘When you’re not gigging you write stuff that’s for you in a way that you don’t when out doing gigs in pubs. If you’re doing gigs whilst writing you know what you need, you have a clear understanding of what people like and want – which I can’t seem to remember when I’m at home. Which is really stupid,’ he says with a grin, ‘but it’s just how it is.’

Justin Timberlake in Dublin

By Rodney Edwards

And there I was, sitting on an extremely uncomfortable concrete slab-like seat in the backend of nowhere at the weekend, waiting for Justin Timberlake to sing and jump about on stage a bit.

Thousands of people packed into the open-air RDS in Dublin to see the megastar and as we waited, I wondered relentlessly if I switched the emersion off before I left the house or not.

‘Cos I’ll be frank; I’ve never particularly liked Timberlake – he sings like a girl for a start. Plus, Dublin would never be the first place I’d want to go and visit because it takes nearly four hours to get there. And I’ve always thought of the place as a sluggish, unexciting city where everyone is either drunk, selling lucky charms or travelling on horse and cart; “to be sure, to be sure”, and all that.

But how wrong was I? The place is vibrant, fast moving and overflowing with prosperity and I didn’t spot one Lepricon or a pot of gold at all,  it’s no wonder a global superstar like Justin Timberlake decided to play his 75^th show here, sending all the stereotypes into oblivion. That was until I spotted a parked tractor corroding metres from the stage of course.

Black Eyed Peas star Fergie kicked off proceedings as JT’s support act and the assembled gathering strangely lapped up her boisterous screeching of absurd tosh. The singer stretched her entire back catalogue of about four songs into an half an hour set, which included three costume changes.

Her rather excruciating recital of ‘London Bridge’ and the other one about ‘humps’ rang through the air like an erratic siren, and then she went on to sing other tracks that I can’t really be bothered naming because they were so unbelievably gruesome. But be honest, you don’t really care anyway.

For the time had arrived, as Timberlake rose from beneath the stage on some sort of mechanical podium thing, opening his set with ‘Futuresex Lovesound’, taken from his new album of the same name. Accompanied by a troupe of dancers and an eight-strong band, the crowd went wild as he performed a host of Grammy Award-winning ‘Justified’ favourites including ‘Sexy Ladies’, ‘Cry Me a River’ and the smash hit ‘Rock Your Body’.

During the interval, music producing legend Timbaland took to the decks, firing up the mob of fans into a DJ’ing induced frenzy. Then Justin returned with fresh new hot rocking ‘toons’ and ended the the two-and-a-half-hour gig in a riotous, lively Timberlake way with ‘Sexy Back.’